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Untitled
the ebb and tide of the days are harsh,
pushing, pulling, spinning, tossing us about
to land where we may...
but sometimes,
we land in silent pools... if only for a second-
to think
to breathe
to say I love you;
to prepare for the next wave,
the next journey,
the next time we can stop and say hello.
-Gina
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Finding Voice
They eat at the inner core of my soul
like maggots crawling in and around my tongue,
hidden in my throat.
Choking the heartbeat of any idea that I on my own could dream
or share with you;
they eat at the core of my soul
bleeding the thing that is me into my bowels
to mix with shit and hope
These words unspoken.
-Gina
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Untitled
I was the reality to your denial; or was it the nightmare to
your reality?
You imprinted my soul like the footprint you wore into your
slipper.
Dirty and flat.
You tried to smother my existence beyond you and in spite of
you.
I gasped for air from the cracks around your anger
hot and sharp.
I breathed insignificance and ate fear to survive.
You provided a steady stream of both,
grinning with delight as you pulled the spoon from my mouth.
You’ll be glad to know I still eat from your platter.
-Gina
-Gina
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Just for tonight
let me lie down
nerves stripped and exposed
to feel the sweet pain of your breath
behind my ear.
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Let me rest my cheek
where dreams and desire play
and let my fingers
dance in the shadows there.
Let kisses fall like whispers
from your lips onto my tongue
and I will repeat them back to you.
Let me die in your caress;
and then
just for tonight,
Let me kneel in front of you
and taste where life begins.
-Gina
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Motherhood
It is ever present -
that knowing between them,
around them,
in them.
It is a friendship born not of recipes and play dates,
but of silent wombs and strength;
it is a togetherness immeasurable;
no words to define,defend or deny;
no need, or time or reason for that.
It is their strength in times of absence and pain;
their comfort amongst uncertainty;
it is their smiles of hidden secrets and uncomfortable jokes
between only them;
it is hope;
and it is theirs.
-Gina
A Raindrop Twice
Children dance in rainstorms and blizzards;
lapping the air like thirsty young pups -
hoping to wet their frantic tongues with liquid air.
I caught a raindrop – once.
The sweetest of cane, it laced my mouth and
enchanted my spirit.
I almost drowned in the tiny ocean – my lungs spasming
while my heart sang in awesome wonder, but..
children grow and then raindrops are just wet.
-----
It rained today.
I looked to the sky and screamed.
In an unguarded instant you fell upon my tongue.
After years, the children began to dance.
-Gina-
Untitled
Any memories we had were dulled by the morphine I slid under your tongue.
It wasn't the pillows,
or the light yelling into my skin that woke me,
or even the liquid crystal mosquito flying in... out... and around my ears.
It was you.
Rattling out of your skin,
stumbling over breathing tubes and catheters,
hurdling your corpse and slamming into walls -
Unable to find the light switch.
- Gina -
Haunted
Memory ghosts float in forgotten corridors
haunting the child who lives there. Hell-screams send her
running through maddened doors; trapping her
in abandoned years. No escape to present,
past-locks imprison her soul. Nightmare demons rape her
strength leaving her scarred alone and drifting aimlessly
in a maze of hours
left behind.
Her sobs echo deep in the hallows of my mind.
Helpless I close my eyes; And wipe her burning tear
from my cheek
-Gina-
Lullabye
Shattered glass covers the floor except for the sliver in her eye.
Screams from behind the Big Bedroom's door escape,
while hers lay trapped in the crib.
A midnight moon strokes her brow and
a passing train gently rock the cradle.
"Hush, little baby", she whispers and then
holds her dolly tight.
-Gina-
NO
I was surprised to see you there …
in my dreams;
only because you arrived before me,
as if you had planned to meet me there.
It was a relief to see you…
I’m usually lost when I arrive.
I sighed and ran to hug you with thanks.
"no"
you slipped through me,
tapped my shoulder from behind in an annoying child’s game.
"no, why?"
I want to know why.
It’s my dream…
I can hold you in here!
It’s MY dream!
You gave me that smile that
come here I give…
not really…
no really…
just kidding smile and I sigh again
as you walk away,
your back to me telling me …
"come I will show you."
So I follow -
not knowing where we are going until
Finally you say "Here, here is where you belong".
"Am I still lost?"
"No, you belong here."
I believe you and reach for you again
knowing in my dream I can hold you;
it’s safe reaching…
I’ve almost touched you ...
"no"
you wake and I disappear
-Gina-
Untitled
There was a time
When the bloodied breast of an unseen Thornbird
could stain this page
and the icy waters flowing in my head
smeared the ink of my pen.
When the laughter of nonexistent children could make me smile;
An imaginary lover’s touch left me trembling;
and carousel ponies trophied at Bluegrass Downs.
But there came a time when the sky stopped raining honey
and candy cane orchards died.
The waters evaporated –
leaving sludge.
I’ve stumbled half parched - half mad
searching the taste of Peppermint;
Ripping at my skin to find the ocean;
Bruising my eyes on introspect;
Beating on the door of an empty heart.
I never knew you were there
beside me-
until your hands, aloed with patience, touched mine.
Together we chipped at the rusted dams of passion;
Almost drowning in the drops trickling from the edges of our efforts.
Maybe now the waters will run-
irrigating new orchards
where lemons grow sweet.
-Gina-
We
We are time
each breath in succession a memory born of breathing
each movement a message not processed by words
bitter and sweet
each longing a marker of past and yet to come
a precious hope of more
We are a beginning
before the beginning
continuous familiar
each unknown a thought of thoughts
beyond the realm of knowing
yet
soul within soul
separate together
strangers once
We are the present
fighting boundaries of
skin
of time
of propriety
grasping to touch
barely beyond the tangent
to taste a drop of
Us
-Gina-
Knowing
You faded in so fast;
a deer on a misty morning in front of me as I drive to fast on a curving mountain road;
ignoring everything but the pictures of last night’s screaming still flashing in my head.
JERKED!
MY HEART SCREAMING STOP!
BICEPS TIGHT! SHOULDER HIGH!
EYES WIDE SHUT!
TERRIFIED ! I CAN’T STOP!
...and you just stand there;
knowing.
-Gina-
