After writing my five part series on the senses of a woman, another blogger left her comments as was/is customary in the blogging world. Her comments and questions were as raw, if not more so, as my piece. I've reprinted the dialog below.
BA
Well I have read all your installments now. And
I have to say that all that things you have said are all reasons why I as a
straight woman could, understandably, be attracted to another woman. I
appreciate the beauty of women because I appreciate my own feminine traits. I
really like all the things that make me a woman and a sensual being, so I can
recognize and enjoy them in other women as well.
What is difficult for me to understand and
what I would be very interested in hearing about is...(if I understand
correctly that you identify as butch) why have you rejected your own feminity?
Why, if you disdain men (if you do, in fairness, I don't know if you do or
don't) do you adopt a gender identity that is male oriented? These are the
issues I find confusing in terms of the butch/femme dynamic. And also why
femmes are attracted to butch women, but not men. That begs the question of
whether women who are attracted to butch women are perhaps bisexual?
I hope you don't find these questions
offensive. I think frank discussion between heterosexuals and gays/lesbians is
something that isn't done often enough for fear of offending when in actuality,
it would do a lot to promote understanding and maybe dispell a lot of the
mystery and stereotypical thinking that leads fear and enmity between the
two. Regardless, your writing was
beautiful, lyrical, and poignant. You should definitely do more of it. I
enjoyed it very much.
_________________________________________________
Me:
Offensive?
Absolutely not! I enjoy the candar and the questions.
You're absolutely
right... if more people were willing to ask questions and more people were
willing to answer, and both were willing to really listen to the questions and
the answers... the world would be a much better place in many many areas.
Gosh... these are the kinds of conversations
I love to have over dinner and a good bottle of wine... BUT... I'll try to do
my best to touch on some of your questions here.
1. Yes, I identify as butch, but in my case
that in no way means I've denied my femininity, I haven't. I think people who
know me would say there is a distinct feminine thread in the cloth that is me.
It's wonderfully subtle but unmistakingly there.
2. Disdain men... gotta be honest.. this made
me cringe. I absolutely do not have
disdain for men. Do I want them as a lover? No. There is no interest there. Can
I appreciate other things about them... YEP... and I do. I don't think of
butch... as being 'male' oriented. It's preference oriented. Men don't own any
certain set of preferences or tendencies... nor do women.
There is a long wide
spectrum of likes, dislikes, reactions to life, chemistries, and inclinations
that we all have and that define us as unique individuals which, to me, is much
more interesting and important than a simple distinction between Male/Female.
Butch, femme, stone, high femme, Queer, Male, Female, heterosexual,
homosexual... they are all just indications of possible groupings of
preferences, likings and inclinations. But they are never a complete
unalterable definition of an individual.
3. Not all femmes are attracted to butch
women. The only way I can think of trying to answer this question is with a
question back to you. Why are you attracted to men, but not butch women?
(assuming you're not)... but even if you were....would it make you
"bi-sexual"?... i don't know... again.. it's just another
"indicator" not necessarily a hard fast definition.
There are many
women who sleep with both men and women who, if you asked them, would without
hesitation say.. I'm a heterosexual. Some would say I identify as a lesbian,
others would say... yes, I'm bisexual. And who's to say that any of them are
wrong? More importantly... why should it
matter?
These are only my opinions...
other butches, other femmes other heteros will obviously have their own opinions...
but how WONDERFUL and HOW BLESSED I feel that this conversation is going on
here and that people feel safe in opening this dialogue.
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